Now i am in 4th year engineering.got my own room my gpa is aove 7.5.But i feel an emoptiness within me. I am still not happy.I have given up any illussions about becoming a great scientisti am going to be a nobody and have started to accept the fact.i am never going to win the nobel prize nor the fields medal. i am just an idiot who thought himself to be smart. i had always hoped that ui will be achieve these things,but perhapps i am not.i am going to get the degree and then work 9-5 job. but these things only make me sad from a broader perspective.
i completed my internship at nrsc. my guide didn't even talk to me. i had to do everything myself.i read about a lot of things and thus i thought of it as a enriching experience but others disagree. i am tired. actually i am perhaps a slave to the world,the fucking instituite , my fucking family.i am tired of living life. i am tired.Please kill me.
I know i can work to attach meaning to things. I can pretend to be optimistic. I WANT TO DIE.
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